After losing Ethan and Jacob, I swore that if we could get pregnant with just one baby.... I would never ask for another. Then Blake's difficult delivery further pushed that decision. I swore that Blake was going to be an only child. I was done with IVF, PPROM, shots, fear, stress, and c-sections. We were blessed with a beautiful, perfect little boy. I said I was done. No more. 21 months later, and here I am.... I lied.
I blame Joseph. It is his fault. He is the ultimate baby hog, and he made me lie. ;) That is my excuse anyway.
It looks like we are jumping back onto the infertility treatment roller coaster. We have gone through all of the testing, and made the big decision to move forward with another round of IVF. Our new doctor is pretty confident that we can avoid overstimulating again this time around. Hopefully, he is right. We are cautiously optimistic, but I have a bad history of surprising doctors. It would be lovely for this cycle to work with little drama associated with it. Praying for an easy, calm cycle that works.
So, we are looking at starting the IVF cycle toward the end of June. I didn't have a blog for our first IVF cycle, so I am excited to have this journey documented.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
Quiet
It's amazing how our brains adapt. How the yelling of a 19 month old can be normal. Depending on what he is yelling, it can also be beautiful. Blake now says "Wuv hoo" (love you). Silence is not normal in this house. It is amazing how I am conditioned to put my cell phone out of a toddlers little hand reach, even when he isn't here. I don't think twice about shutting doors to keep a 19 month out of the bathrooms, even when I don't need to.
Blake is spending a few days with his Nana and Pa. He did this a few times while Joseph was deployed, and he loves it. The boy gets so spoiled there. He is showered with love, undivided attention, new toys, and pizza. Nana also got sneaky this time and had a supply of suckers waiting. He loves it there. They love having him there. We miss him here. Blake is so blessed to have so many people who love him. My family is insanely obsessed with him, and it's wonderful. They get so excited to see him. They complain if they don't see him every few weeks. Blake calls them a few times a week to talk. He is a major part of their lives, and they are a big part of his life. He loves them just as much as they love him.
So, while the baby is away.... Joseph and I work. We have been upgrading our yard. When we bought our house, it came with these awful, ugly bushes. They were short and prickly... And ugly. So, they were removed and replaced with pretty flowers. We lined the flower garden with bricks and filled it with mulch.
We start on our vegetable garden tomorrow. I am really excited about having a garden this year. I haven't had one in two years. We moved/I was hugely pregnant in 2010 and last summer Joseph was deployed. A garden was very, very low on my priority list. So, Blake is off having the time of his life at Nana and Pa's house. We are at home moving bricks and raking mulch. How life has changed.
Blake is spending a few days with his Nana and Pa. He did this a few times while Joseph was deployed, and he loves it. The boy gets so spoiled there. He is showered with love, undivided attention, new toys, and pizza. Nana also got sneaky this time and had a supply of suckers waiting. He loves it there. They love having him there. We miss him here. Blake is so blessed to have so many people who love him. My family is insanely obsessed with him, and it's wonderful. They get so excited to see him. They complain if they don't see him every few weeks. Blake calls them a few times a week to talk. He is a major part of their lives, and they are a big part of his life. He loves them just as much as they love him.
So, while the baby is away.... Joseph and I work. We have been upgrading our yard. When we bought our house, it came with these awful, ugly bushes. They were short and prickly... And ugly. So, they were removed and replaced with pretty flowers. We lined the flower garden with bricks and filled it with mulch.
We start on our vegetable garden tomorrow. I am really excited about having a garden this year. I haven't had one in two years. We moved/I was hugely pregnant in 2010 and last summer Joseph was deployed. A garden was very, very low on my priority list. So, Blake is off having the time of his life at Nana and Pa's house. We are at home moving bricks and raking mulch. How life has changed.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
The Pressure is On
We have officially been asked (more than once) by complete strangers when Blake is going to have a baby brother or sister. The first time it happened, a little Asian woman who worked at Walmart asked us. I was so surprised, considering I was just trying to pay for our peanut butter, milk, light bulbs, and chapstick. I thought it was such an odd question. Where did that come from? Well, the Asian woman who worked at Walmart was the first of many. It seems that once your child is eighteen months, baby number two should be on the way. At least in the Marine town that we live in.
The pressure is on for baby number four by complete strangers. Who would have thought strangers would have started this campaign well before our family did? Not me. Our family are a bunch of baby hogs. They love Blake, and he has quickly become the star of most family events. Want to have a family birthday party that focuses on you, don't invite Blake.
Why do people that know our story avoid asking about future babies? They know what a crazy, scary, devastating ride it was getting Blake here. Blake is a miracle. So the question is, do we try for another miracle? Or do we thank God for the miracle we have? Or both?
The truth is that I am not getting any younger. In the IVF world I am so so young, but the longer we wait the harder the cycle is going to be on me. We had a hard time with the last cycle I went through. Time is not our friend. Money is also an issue. Last time I looked at our bank account, we didn't have an extra 15,000 just hanging around to be spent at a fertility clinic. If anyone would like to add to our bank account, please let me know ;) So, money is a major issue when it comes to IVF. Putting ourselves in debt for a try at a baby is stressful. Thinking about doing that for the third time is a bit overwhelming. If it is successful, we are pregnant, in debt from getting pregnant, and needing the expensive baby items.
So, it isn't simple. There are a lot of things that need to be checked off our to-do lists. We have a busy summer that is packed with fun. We are going to have our first summer as a family, since Joseph missed last summer completely. We are traveling, attending weddings, and enjoying that we live near the ocean. After we soak all that up, we will talk baby.
The pressure is on for baby number four by complete strangers. Who would have thought strangers would have started this campaign well before our family did? Not me. Our family are a bunch of baby hogs. They love Blake, and he has quickly become the star of most family events. Want to have a family birthday party that focuses on you, don't invite Blake.
Why do people that know our story avoid asking about future babies? They know what a crazy, scary, devastating ride it was getting Blake here. Blake is a miracle. So the question is, do we try for another miracle? Or do we thank God for the miracle we have? Or both?
The truth is that I am not getting any younger. In the IVF world I am so so young, but the longer we wait the harder the cycle is going to be on me. We had a hard time with the last cycle I went through. Time is not our friend. Money is also an issue. Last time I looked at our bank account, we didn't have an extra 15,000 just hanging around to be spent at a fertility clinic. If anyone would like to add to our bank account, please let me know ;) So, money is a major issue when it comes to IVF. Putting ourselves in debt for a try at a baby is stressful. Thinking about doing that for the third time is a bit overwhelming. If it is successful, we are pregnant, in debt from getting pregnant, and needing the expensive baby items.
So, it isn't simple. There are a lot of things that need to be checked off our to-do lists. We have a busy summer that is packed with fun. We are going to have our first summer as a family, since Joseph missed last summer completely. We are traveling, attending weddings, and enjoying that we live near the ocean. After we soak all that up, we will talk baby.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
At Last
My lonely days are over. After ten and a half months, Joseph is finally home from his deployment. At last. He has been home for a week now, and he is getting back into the swing of things slowly. Things are pretty different in our house. He left a snugly, little baby boy, and he returned to a wild, giggly toddler. Things are much more chaotic than they were a little under a year ago.
Blake is in full toddler force. He knows what he wants, he eats "real" food, he understands when given (most) instructions, he gives kisses, hugs, the bottle is gone, and anytime he wants something he says "please" then gives the sweetest face in the world. He knows how to blow kisses, call his Nana and Pa (and asks to do it frequently), run, and helps clean up his toys. He is a big boy.
When Joseph left he was barely sitting up. He couldn't even sit up alone. We had to put him in a sitting position, and he could maintain it. He wasn't sleeping through the night yet. He was truly a baby. Such a difference. The transition has been going well. There have been a few moments where I had to step in and say, "We have to hold hands in the parking lot" or "He needs that cut up more", but I have been letting them figure it out together as much as possible (without completely messing up Blake's routine). Joseph came home and jumped right in. He is truly an amazing father. Blake and Daddy have been best buddies since about two minutes after Joseph found us at homecoming.
So, all is great in our world. We are so happy to be together again. Hopefully, there will not be any deployments in our immediate future. And, I leave you with our homecoming slide show. It is perfect. I am so, so happy with our photographer. She was amazing. Simply amazing. She arrived at our house to a screaming Blake and a stressed out Andrea. She took it all in stride. We are going to have a family session with her in the spring, and I can't wait.
Homecoming Pictures
Blake is in full toddler force. He knows what he wants, he eats "real" food, he understands when given (most) instructions, he gives kisses, hugs, the bottle is gone, and anytime he wants something he says "please" then gives the sweetest face in the world. He knows how to blow kisses, call his Nana and Pa (and asks to do it frequently), run, and helps clean up his toys. He is a big boy.
When Joseph left he was barely sitting up. He couldn't even sit up alone. We had to put him in a sitting position, and he could maintain it. He wasn't sleeping through the night yet. He was truly a baby. Such a difference. The transition has been going well. There have been a few moments where I had to step in and say, "We have to hold hands in the parking lot" or "He needs that cut up more", but I have been letting them figure it out together as much as possible (without completely messing up Blake's routine). Joseph came home and jumped right in. He is truly an amazing father. Blake and Daddy have been best buddies since about two minutes after Joseph found us at homecoming.
So, all is great in our world. We are so happy to be together again. Hopefully, there will not be any deployments in our immediate future. And, I leave you with our homecoming slide show. It is perfect. I am so, so happy with our photographer. She was amazing. Simply amazing. She arrived at our house to a screaming Blake and a stressed out Andrea. She took it all in stride. We are going to have a family session with her in the spring, and I can't wait.
Homecoming Pictures
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Learning
When we started our journey to become parents, I always thought of all the wonderful things I would teach a child. How to give hugs, kisses, wave, count, and many other things. I never dreamed of what my children would teach me. I never really thought about it. It was not until each child was brought into my life, that I realized how much you can learn from such a small heart.
Jacob was my first born. From the moment we first saw him on an ultrasound, he was laid back and calm. He was the entire pregnancy. My laid back child. He taught me that sometimes we have to make sacrifices for others. He taught me what it means to fight. He survived 3.5 weeks, when none of our doctors expected him to. Had he passed during those 3.5 weeks, I would have certainly contracted an infection. An infection would have ended the pregnancy before Ethan would have been considered viable.
Ethan was just the opposite. He was moving constantly, even in the NICU. He was dancing on every ultrasound we had. He was tough, and I don't think laid back would have ever described him. As he fought in the NICU, he taught me strength. He taught me that sometimes we have to let go, even when we don't want to. Sometimes life is cruel, and we have to pick ourselves up and continue living even when that seems impossible.
Blake is my take home baby. I think he is a mixture of his two brothers. He has his laid back moments, but when he decides it is time for a dance party... we dance. He has taught me so much in the last year and half. While I was pregnant, he taught me that it is OK to be scared. Just because bad things happened once, does not mean it will happen every time. His birth taught me that sometimes things don't go as planned, but as long as everyone is OK in the end.... it is OK.
Blake has taught me the meaning of happiness, true frustration, pure joy, unconditional love, and how to be a mother. Before I had Blake I never would have thought the words, "We don't stab our friends with a fork" would come out of my mouth. It is always an adventure, although it's usually an entertaining one. Blake has a way of making people smile. He just does. His joy is contagious. He has taught me that life is short, and we should enjoy every second.
Here is some joy.... compliments of Blake.
Jacob was my first born. From the moment we first saw him on an ultrasound, he was laid back and calm. He was the entire pregnancy. My laid back child. He taught me that sometimes we have to make sacrifices for others. He taught me what it means to fight. He survived 3.5 weeks, when none of our doctors expected him to. Had he passed during those 3.5 weeks, I would have certainly contracted an infection. An infection would have ended the pregnancy before Ethan would have been considered viable.
Ethan was just the opposite. He was moving constantly, even in the NICU. He was dancing on every ultrasound we had. He was tough, and I don't think laid back would have ever described him. As he fought in the NICU, he taught me strength. He taught me that sometimes we have to let go, even when we don't want to. Sometimes life is cruel, and we have to pick ourselves up and continue living even when that seems impossible.
Blake is my take home baby. I think he is a mixture of his two brothers. He has his laid back moments, but when he decides it is time for a dance party... we dance. He has taught me so much in the last year and half. While I was pregnant, he taught me that it is OK to be scared. Just because bad things happened once, does not mean it will happen every time. His birth taught me that sometimes things don't go as planned, but as long as everyone is OK in the end.... it is OK.
Blake has taught me the meaning of happiness, true frustration, pure joy, unconditional love, and how to be a mother. Before I had Blake I never would have thought the words, "We don't stab our friends with a fork" would come out of my mouth. It is always an adventure, although it's usually an entertaining one. Blake has a way of making people smile. He just does. His joy is contagious. He has taught me that life is short, and we should enjoy every second.
Here is some joy.... compliments of Blake.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Welcome 2012!
Well, here you are 2012. I have been waiting and waiting for you. 2012, I have high hopes for you, so don't let me down... OK?
2011 was a challenging year. A friend did a year in pictures on her blog, and I loved the idea. So, here we go! Hold on, it was a bumpy ride.
January
This month was pretty uneventful. Blake saw his first snow, and even played in it a little. Joseph was in his job school. The hours were nice, and it was somewhat stress free.
February
This month was marked by Blake learning that he loves swinging. The temperatures were mild, so we really enjoyed walking to the park on base. This month was the calm before the storm.
March
Oh March. You rocked my world, in not such a great way. Joseph graduated from MOS (job) school on the first day of March. His CO was nice enough to attend. After graduation, he pulled Joseph away, and he explained that their scheduled deployment for July had been moved up to March 28th. Enter panic. The rest of the month was a nightmare. Joseph had six months worth of work to do in 27 days. He was working all the time. Our "predeployment leave" consisted of a night in Wilmington. Realistically, he left on his graduation day, he was just still here physically.
This month was the actual month Joseph left. He was put on remain behind for a week and a half, since he had so much work to do. Sadly, he ended up working every second of that last bit of time. He deployed in early April for a deployment that we were told would be 7-10 months. Less than a week later, Blake had a surgery to correct a birth defect and tornadoes rocked the town we live in. Not the best way to start a long deployment, but we survived. I think this was the most difficult month by far.
September
September was the slowest month of the year for me. I felt like summer had so much going on. We were going here and there... then September marked the end of all of that. I started work on my master's degree again and also took a photography class. The graduate class caused way too much stress, and we have a new family rule of no school during deployments for Mommy.
October
2011 was a challenging year. A friend did a year in pictures on her blog, and I loved the idea. So, here we go! Hold on, it was a bumpy ride.
January
This month was pretty uneventful. Blake saw his first snow, and even played in it a little. Joseph was in his job school. The hours were nice, and it was somewhat stress free.
February
This month was marked by Blake learning that he loves swinging. The temperatures were mild, so we really enjoyed walking to the park on base. This month was the calm before the storm.
Oh March. You rocked my world, in not such a great way. Joseph graduated from MOS (job) school on the first day of March. His CO was nice enough to attend. After graduation, he pulled Joseph away, and he explained that their scheduled deployment for July had been moved up to March 28th. Enter panic. The rest of the month was a nightmare. Joseph had six months worth of work to do in 27 days. He was working all the time. Our "predeployment leave" consisted of a night in Wilmington. Realistically, he left on his graduation day, he was just still here physically.
This picture was taken about 5 minutes before "the news" was told.
We had family pictures taken on a Sunday afternoon. Thank goodness the photographer was my neighbor.
April
This month was the actual month Joseph left. He was put on remain behind for a week and a half, since he had so much work to do. Sadly, he ended up working every second of that last bit of time. He deployed in early April for a deployment that we were told would be 7-10 months. Less than a week later, Blake had a surgery to correct a birth defect and tornadoes rocked the town we live in. Not the best way to start a long deployment, but we survived. I think this was the most difficult month by far.
Deployment day
Pre-surgery
May
May was the month that I found my routine. Things started falling into place a little easier. I still had an infant by myself, but I had figured out what worked and what didn't. Blake FINALLY started consistently sleeping through the night, which made life much better. Blake also started crawling.
Thank you, thank you, thank you
There he goes
June
June was the beginning of our summer of travel. I logged many miles, and June started with a trip to Miami for my college friend's wedding. I left Blake with my parents, which I was quite nervous about. It was my first time leaving him overnight. We both did amazingly well. He had a great time at my parents, and I was privileged to witness a beautiful wedding.
July
We stayed at home for the 4th of July and enjoyed the fireworks on base. We were also evacuated due to a large forest fire, which poured smoke into our town. It was a scary evening. Overall, we tried to enjoy time outside, when the smoke wasn't too thick.
August
August was a huge month for our family. It started off with a trip to the beach with my college friends. We had so much fun! Then, at the end of month, we headed off to Italy. It was an amazing trip. We got to spend four days with Joseph. It was amazing, and the best decision we made during this deployment. Blake spent his first birthday in Italy, which is a great story to tell. While we were gone, Hurricane Irene came through. We had minor damage, but it was quite stressful to deal with from another continent.
Someone had a lot of fun with his smash cake
Beautiful Italy
September was the slowest month of the year for me. I felt like summer had so much going on. We were going here and there... then September marked the end of all of that. I started work on my master's degree again and also took a photography class. The graduate class caused way too much stress, and we have a new family rule of no school during deployments for Mommy.
October
Enter school madness and fall. That was October.
November
November started with the Marine Corps ball. A great event with the other spouses. I am so lucky to have had such a great group of buddies for this deployment. A huge highlight of November was Blake FINALLY learning to walk. He just started walking one day, like he had been doing it for months. Once he started, he never looked back.
December
We spent the month sick. Blake battled two ear infections and the flu. Poor guy just couldn't catch a break. I finished my graduate class, and felt the stress cloud lifting from the house. We got a lot of family time in. My sister spent a week with us, and we spent a week with my parents. It was a quick month. Blake was spoiled rotten.
Blake's new ride
I love his joy
So, here we are in January. I am hoping that this year brings less stress, more togetherness, and great things. I can't wait!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Christmas Time
I have officially finished my graduate class. Everyone kept telling me that after it was over, I would feel so accomplished. I do, but I still sit here and wonder why I thought that would be a good idea. Graduate school, deployment, 1 year old, volunteering, and a photography class. Insane. I felt the stress lifting off of me as I turned in my last assignment.
My house is starting to look less like an episode of hoarders and more like a Toys R' Us commercial. I think by Christmas, we will be back where we should be. Just in time to bring home all of the things that Blake is getting for Christmas. We won't say he is spoiled, he is just very loved. ;)
Christmas is lacking for me this year. I am ignoring it. If I ignore it long enough, it won't happen. It can't happen without my love. Sadly, it will happen without my love. Add another holiday to the pile that he has missed because of this extended deployment. So many. While the others were hard, Christmas is the one that hurts the most. So, he missed Memorial Day. That was fine. Were the banks even closed on Columbus day?!? The 4th of July wasn't too bad. Veterans day was OK. The TV was covered with Marines, but we survived. Then Thanksgiving rolled in. We made it through that thanks to my mother's delicious chocolate daiquiris and sweet potatoes (Blake's favorite food). On to Christmas...
We will miss Joseph greatly. I will miss him. I will miss his excitement. I will miss his funny jokes. I will miss his conversations. I will miss his happiness. I will miss how happy he makes Blake. He has become a huge part of not only my life, but my family's as well. He even called and talked to my parents on Thanksgiving. They will miss him almost as much as I will.
But, we press on... we have no other choice. Each missed holiday brings him closer to home. So, for all of my military wives who's husbands are deployed for the holidays....
Keep your head up ladies. Our turn will be here soon.
My house is starting to look less like an episode of hoarders and more like a Toys R' Us commercial. I think by Christmas, we will be back where we should be. Just in time to bring home all of the things that Blake is getting for Christmas. We won't say he is spoiled, he is just very loved. ;)
Christmas is lacking for me this year. I am ignoring it. If I ignore it long enough, it won't happen. It can't happen without my love. Sadly, it will happen without my love. Add another holiday to the pile that he has missed because of this extended deployment. So many. While the others were hard, Christmas is the one that hurts the most. So, he missed Memorial Day. That was fine. Were the banks even closed on Columbus day?!? The 4th of July wasn't too bad. Veterans day was OK. The TV was covered with Marines, but we survived. Then Thanksgiving rolled in. We made it through that thanks to my mother's delicious chocolate daiquiris and sweet potatoes (Blake's favorite food). On to Christmas...
We will miss Joseph greatly. I will miss him. I will miss his excitement. I will miss his funny jokes. I will miss his conversations. I will miss his happiness. I will miss how happy he makes Blake. He has become a huge part of not only my life, but my family's as well. He even called and talked to my parents on Thanksgiving. They will miss him almost as much as I will.
But, we press on... we have no other choice. Each missed holiday brings him closer to home. So, for all of my military wives who's husbands are deployed for the holidays....
Keep your head up ladies. Our turn will be here soon.
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